DStilled

Letters from Afar

A couple of months ago I felt really compelled to do something internationally missions minded.  Obviously as a student still, who has no money, I couldn’t just up and go (wouldn’t that be an act of faith and another post entirely!) so I did what I felt like I should and that was give my money.  There are a couple of organizations out there that do some really good work and don’t really see any monetary profit for their actions.  World Vision is one of those and it is through World Vision that I am sponsoring a family in Sri Lanka.  I can tell you right now that I don’t know much about the country other than where it is on the map but I’m learning.  The family they have assigned to me is a man and wife with two children ages 6 and 4.  I got my first letter from them about a week ago.  I will write back once school lets out.  Here is a sample of the beautiful script the mother wrote:

Today I received my second international letter from my dear friend Christa who is doing good work in the bottom corner of Peru.  Her script was not nearly as beautiful but the words she put down more than made up for it.  Unbeknown to either of us, we both had sent each other something a couple of weeks ago and both arrived within 24 hours of each other.  So we caught each other online and expressed our surprise and thanks in a splendidly reciprocal way.  I’m so blessed to know her and have her in my life.

Future reference, care packages are not expensive to ship, but they certainly aren’t cheap.  I guess this explains why I NEVER EVER EVER got one from my mom (hint hint).  Yes, she took care of me when I needed money or food when I came home but there’s something special about mail.  I actually would never have been annoyed by it except she said she would.  Sigh.  I guess I’ll just spend the 30 bucks to go home and see them in person.  Perhaps when I’m living in South America or Middle Asia or Western Europe I’ll get a box entitled:  20 years in the making, ENJOY!

Ineffable Truth

I’ve always found myself as one of the most spiritual people around me and I think that highly correlates with my finding myself as one of the most scientific people around me. My most treasured value in the whole world is truth. I can’t stop asking myself, what is truth? Is this true? What truth can I glean from this? Where is the nugget of truth in what I just learned/experienced/saw? For my entire life I have assumed that for me to discover what is true I have to assume there are things that are not. This just makes logical sense: If 2+2=4 is true then 2+2=anything else is not. The thing is, life and people don’t work so simplistically or even so logically. Life’s equations are so complex that most people have given up on finding answers aka truth. They seek other truths by other means. I can’t tell you how many times people have heard my thought process articulated and told me I can’t reduce people and life events to equations. “It’s just wrong.” I always get defensive, at least inside, and can’t rebuttal well. I don’t know why I believe what I do, so I just tell them it’s simply how I’m wired. Which is only partly the answer. I’m wired this way so I can forever seek the answer, because I honestly believe it is there. In the past couple of years, I have come to an understanding that the answer is unknowable to humans but it certainly hasn’t stopped me from trying.

One of the ways I can more fully seek the answers to what is truth is to listen to what other seekers have discovered. Here is a video of a woman who explains how it feels to have a stroke. You may not agree with her spiritual premise, but then again, when was the last time you suffered a brain hemorrhage? It’s amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

The other person I want to tell you about today is Julian of Norwich. She’s a 14th century English mystic that has some MIND-Blowing stuff to say. In studying the history of Christians, I’m amazed at how insightful so many of these people were. I’m also surprised at how few people know and even fewer people read them. A couple of plugs for Julian. She was the first woman to write a book in English. She wasn’t afraid to use Mother for God at times. She lived through the bubonic plague, barely. Here’s a excerpt from the paper I just wrote on her.

“For in the sight of God all men are one man, and one man is all men. This man was injured in his powers and made most feeble, and in his understanding he was amazed, because he was diverted from looking on his lord, but his will was preserved in God’s sight. I saw the lord commend and approve him for his will, but he himself was blinded and hindered from knowing this will.” This theology expresses that while we humans may be ignorant of the events around us, God is forever caring for us and preserving us for (His) good will. “And then I saw that only pain blames and punishes, and our courteous Lord comforts and succours, and always he is kindly disposed to the soul, loving and longing to bring us to his bliss.” This is the heart of Julian’s theology.

Because God protects with compassion and is always “kindly disposed to the soul,” this opens up avenues for questions about why are suffering and evil in the world. “But then this is our comfort, that we know in our faith that by the power of Christ who is our protector we never assent to [tribulation and woe], but we complain about it, and endure in pain and in woe, praying until the time that he shows himself again to us.” For Julian, the answer to this is simple: God is glorified greater in contrast to suffering than without it. “Therefore [the servant/Christ] greatly rejoices in his falling, for the raising on high and the fullness of bliss which mankind has come to, exceeding what we should have if he had not fallen.” This reader feels like much of this theological understanding relies on one key principle.

God lives in us. “He made man’s soul to be his own city and his dwelling place, which is the most pleasing to him of all his works.” It is at this point of the story between the lord and the servant that understanding of the framework can truly begin. The lord will sit in rest and wait unsatisfied until the servant returns from the gardening with the perfect food perfectly prepared. It is the work of the second and third Persons of the Trinity that while equal with God are sowing and reaping the field of humanity for the glory of the Lord. And why is it important that we be saved? Because God is not complete without the niche (He) has created in humanity for (Himself). This is a monumental realization for Julian to have and certainly would have resulted in her excommunication if she had not been a anchoress hermit.

As a mystic, she believed in universal salvation that possibly manifested itself beyond the reality of hell - I think. Not sure about how that worked. But she is a fascinating character that spent her entire life meditating on the truth of sixteen visions she saw.

So I say go after it, whatever you value most in life. Learn what it is for you. Seek it in others as well as what other have learned in their own searches. If it happens to be truth, like me, then let me know and we can perhaps journey a bit together.

Miss Clarkson?

“focus: not a lot of singers can rock, and even fewer can roll. once you through pop in the mix you can forget about it. but the multi-platinum kelly clarkson pulls off all three like a diner does breakfast, lunch and dinner. most vocalists couldn’t even lip sync to a set-list like hers. so how does she do it? behind her hazel eyes is some serious focus. she’s living proof that with a little concentration you can do anything…catch a fly with chopsticks, text like the wind, or spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (wait, we just did).”I recently read that on a vitaminwater bottle of the kiwi-strawberry variety.

So besides the fact that I am addicted to music, I can’t just walk away from Kelly when she sings. I try to tell myself to breakaway from this pop, girly music but I just can’t. Her music fills my soul. I ask myself what beautiful disaster is she creating now every time my shuffle list hits one of hers? Kelly, why do you haunt me so? Why do you torment me so? I am here for you and yet you’re gone. I love you. There…I said it. Now you know where I stand Kelly. But I ask you, where is YOUR heart? We were born not 10 miles from each other only months apart. You may not know it, but it is because of you I never stray to far from the sidewalk. I can’t get hurt anymore. Never again. Profess your affection for me. You know you feel it too. Surely every time I listen to your voice fill my December, my April, my everymonth, you feel that connection too. Three months and I’m still sober after all my pain missing you. I hate myself for losing you and I want you back. Come to me Kelly! I’ll be the man you dreamed of and sang so many songs against. If you feel you just missed the train, never fear. I will always be here waiting for you. I will love you for more than your life-changing voice. I will love for you for what’s behind those hazel eyes.

Spring Prom

A while back a couple of friends were talking about throwing a Seminary Prom. I, like many at first, was apprehensive. But after talking the logistics through and seeing some hype, I jumped on the bandwagon. I even recruited. The theme was P(red)estination Prom. The proceeds went to a local AIDS fund. Last night was the event and man can I say that is was a success! Marie - the leader in preparation - told me that if there were fifty we would call it good night. Well there was probably more than that make it at one point or another but it didn’t matter because those that showed up had fun. Some of you may know I’m not generally a “partier,” but when it’s wholesome and with friends I can dance with the best of them.

The night started off with Sarah and I going to dinner at a nice Chinese restaurant called August Moon. We were already dressed up for the prom (still sounds weird to say that) and apparently weren’t the only ones. Our waitress toward the end of the meal asked if prom or something else was going on. Both of us kinda smiled thinking there’s no way this woman actually thinks we’re still in high school. We explained we too were going to a school formal but it was GRAD school. Well, because no one else joined us for dinner and there was no wait, we finished pretty early. Back to the campus we went and believe it or not, I took a nap.

I know most of you can believe it.

I didn’t mean to sleep so long but my alarm didn’t disturb my slumber. At around 10, I jumped up, got dressed again, and made it in time to hear the prom court pronouncements. I missed the “family fun” time and actually was supposed to be bartending starting at 10. Alas, Shawn Thomas was already there and he too has much bartending experience. So he took command and I didn’t mind. This meant I could dance more once I got worked in.

I say I have to get my nerve up to dance because I actually get performance anxiety. I know I CAN do well but with all the people watching I forget that it’s fun. I always eventually remember and really get into it but that often has more to do with the music than anything. The music was fine but not great for me. I just really don’t prefer modern rap. If it’s complicated with subtle undertones and good vocals then yeah, that’s sweet. But otherwise I would just rather talk to people off the dance floor. Sarah, as my date and friend, saw it as her duty to continually pull me off my bum and back onto the floor. I suppose I’m grateful for this because otherwise I might not have eventually “remembered.” By the end of the night I was enjoying dancing as the event, instead of an event that happened to have dancing.

We used my speakers for the sound system and I was please to share. As you may recall these are the speakers that have caused a small earthquake and disgruntled neighbors. The sub I never even plug in anymore in my apartment was ROCKING the place last night. 230W goes a long way. I was most proud of my receiver. It’s a Pioneer 6.1 system that I got like 8 years and three moves ago and it never missed a beat.

Let’s see…what else was of note… Jonathan wore his kilt and Scottish garb. There was salmon and other decent foods that I really didn’t see because it was in the dark. We had a guy do professional pictures. I don’t know if we’ll get them or if it was just for the show. Above the dance floor were Christmas lights that added a neat atmospheric touch. And it was hot as balls. It was great seeing everyone there of all ages, places, and positions of the seminary. We’ll being doing this again.

Speaking of warming up, the weather certainly has and with it came pollen. Last week I mentioned my allergies and they have lessened but the pollen is just COVERING everything. In the last three weeks of school I have 7 papers, 5 tests, and no freaking out to do. Hmmm, riiight.